So as promised here is my first thought provoking blog in my “The Issues” series. I wanted to tackle this one first because A) I think it is the largest issue facing the evangelical church right now that we aren’t immediately aware of, and B) I have thought a lot about it lately.
For me when it comes to homosexuality and the church I think I need to begin with what my relation to the issue is. I am straight and raised to believe that that is the only way to be. I come from what would be considered a staunch conservative background, meaning some people in my church wouldn’t even consider this an issue because the Bible is quite clear on it. But that is the very notion I want to challenge today. My upbringing had me denying homophobia on the grounds of love thy neighbour, but knowing that were I to actually meet someone who is gay that I would probably run and hide, or treat them as less than human. Truly one of my largest regrets in high school was not being more friendly toward an openly gay student. I would never say I, or other Christians stopped him from knowing Christ, but we certainly didn’t help.
For me, I don’t care where you come down on this issue, you could be “gay affirming” or believe that homosexuality is anti-biblical, the one thing I cannot stand is intolerance. There are extremists on either side of this discussion and I don’t care much for either of them. In fact one of the greatest articles I have ever read on this issue is from a blog by Rachel Held Evans, where she interviews an openly gay Christian. He runs an organization called Gay Christian Network and in the article talks about side A and side B reactions to gay Christians. Side A asserts that gay Christians are legit and biblical, that they can marry and that God affirms this. Side B asserts that they are gay Christians, but think that God does not affirm gay marriage and they choose to remain celibate. Both claims make known that being gay in not a choice. This is where I think every church should move towards. (Please read his interview)
One of the lines that we in the evangelical community have touted for a long time is, “homosexuality is a choice.” I no longer believe this lie. I do believe some men and woman are born with natural inclinations toward same gender attraction. Yes I said natural. Sexuality is more than just sex, it is about companionship and friendship. Same gender love is more than just sex. Those that are gay affirming would also be purity affirming and say that whether you are in a gay or straight relationship you need to save yourself for marriage, I can’t disagree with that. But to say that people who have an attraction to the same gender is just a choice is not understanding what attraction is. It is not a switch you can turn on and off. I think about the first girl I fell for and how my heart skipped a beat every time I saw her, and when I held her hand for the first time how it made me feel. Then I read a homosexual describe their first encounter in the same terms, it makes me realize it is something deep within them. It is something that we all experience as we grow up. Choice has nothing to do with it, it is not simply something you can turn off. Just as I can’t tell you to simply stop loving your girlfriend, or wife or husband, or to not have a crush on that girl or guy.
Many theologians have discussed passages in the Bible with regards to homosexuality and come down in different ways. It is the beautiful and terrible thing about our faith. It allows for tension, but that tension can also destroy. One good source on this is Jay Bakker in his book Fall to Grace. He talks at length about how one can interpret specific passages, especially Romans 1. He is gay affirming and performs gay marriages at his church. I will make no judgments either way, that’s not why I am writing this, but I think it is important for conservative Christians to know that there is a Christian world out there that is big, doing good things, and thinks differently. If you see same gender love as biblical then you have wrestled with scripture and come to terms with it, and I think that’s great. I would ask anyone who takes a theological stand to do the same. That’s also why it’s great that people who have wrestled with scripture and decided same gender love is wrong. But it does not give you permission to insult, condemn, or hurt those who don’t agree with you on both sides.
This brings me to the church. How have we reacted? We say “love the sinner, hate the sin.” Can you see how damaging a statement that is if you realize the sin in questions is something the person believes to be at the core of who they are. All the church needs to say is “love”. I think you can be a church that does not support gay marriage and still welcoming of them into your community. I know that is where my church would/should be. We need to remember we are all under grace, whether you think homosexuality is biblical or not, Christ never came to condemn, he came to love. We need to practice that in deed in our churches. I am not entirely sure what the solution is, but I hope to be a part of it. The church has destroyed a lot of its good will that it should have with the marginalized in our world. We talk a big game of love and peace, but can’t stand to have a gay man sit beside us in the pew. It is devastating and unsustainable. We force things into the closet, we force people to neglect and reject parts of themselves because it might be considered taboo. Almost 100 years ago we forced prohibition in America because we thought a certain way about drinking. Now we are creating an “us and them” world with the homosexual community because we think a certain way about them.
At the same time I want to say to the gay Christian community that you need to understand that there are people who love and support you out there. But there are a lot who don’t, but might be wrestling with it and you need to be patient with them. Change doesn’t happen over night. As well making arguments like, “don’t I deserve to be happy?” won’t win you any friends. I could make the same claim for a million dollars. What you do deserve is to be loved in a community of believers by them, and most importantly by God. I want to say publicly I am sorry for the hurtful things I have said in the past, and I hope to demonstrate God’s love to every human being I encounter.
Church, let’s begin to change how we talk, let’s begin to change how we act and welcome and love people for who they are, not what they are. God created us all, and loves us all regardless of theological issues, so let’s try and do the same.
feedback: james.alan.brooks@gmail.com
